Restaurant Websites Unappetizing to Diners – But Burgers Are; A Day in the Life of Critic Michael Bauer; Chopsticks Aren’t Musical Instruments; Veggies Best Bacon

Tom Colicchio was initially asked to play the chef of Smurf Village, but he was too busy with Top Chef Season 9.

* Restaurant websites get roasted. And, OpenTable’s own Scott Jampol weighs in, to boot. [Slate]

* Being Michael Bauer. The revered restaurant critic pays a price for his chosen profession, from friendship to frequent exercise. [Christian Science Monitor]

* Let’s get small. All the cool restaurants are doing it! [WSJ]

* Wagging a finger at those who linger. If there’s a line at a restaurant, stop squatting. [Chicago Tribune]

* Drumroll? Please. Don’t. Chopsticks are chopsticks and drumsticks are drumsticks. Thank you. [Inside Scoop SF]

* Get the burger. I can’t ’cause I’m not eating carbs. Boo. But, if you are, drool over this breakdown of some of the nation’s best burgers. [NRN]

* More on burgers. If you love ’em, you’re not alone. [TODAY]

* The great tipping debate continues. Pondering Jonathan Gold’s recent 20% recommendation. [Mother Jones]

* Chef Tom Colicchio (Craft) is everywhere these days. Including the Smurfs movie. [Eater]

* Would you like to see a menu? How about hundreds of them? Art of the Menu is for you. [Eater]

* This is business, not personal. Dining with a professional contact calls for different protocol. [Vancouver Sun]

* I feel just like a vegetable down here on the farm. Which is good because farm-to-table dining is all the rage these days. [YumSugar]

* Which may explain why veggies are the new pork. [Chicago Tribune]

* That’s hot. Literally. Chef Tom Elder of Härth grows — and serves — the world’s hottest peppers. [WAMU]

* How to have a relaxing dinner with your kids. Ha! Not really. But these tips will help make your meal less aggravating for everyone. [Kansas City Star]

* Eating “well” while dining out. It doesn’t have to be entirely lacking in fun and flavor. I swear! [AJC]

* Gin and bear it. Gordon Ramsay has been dropped as the face of Gordon’s gin. Chin up, chef. There’s always Bulldog! [Monsters and Critics]

* From the ‘Captain Obvious’ files: Food trucks are really popular. Who knew? I mean, aside from, like, everyone? [USA Today]

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